we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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