and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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