the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
