Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
