I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
