He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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