He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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