Need sex. Gaining weight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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