Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
