I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
