you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
birth control should be required to get into college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
