if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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