I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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