I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
