I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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