i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh god it's open bar.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
