Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
