i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
