I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
