my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
