she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
