STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
