It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
