I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I did not marry a roomba.
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