Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
