I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
