My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
