So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
