I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
