The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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