How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
