tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
