I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
