i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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