I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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