i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
