Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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