I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
