I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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