Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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