I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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