Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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