I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
