not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All I want is dick and wine.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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