I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
