I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
