there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
