dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
