Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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