Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
