If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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