Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
